Talking to your child's teacher is one of the most effective things a parent can do to support their child at secondary school — yet many parents find it awkward or do not know when or how to make contact. This guide gives you the practical steps to open productive conversations with teaching staff.
Why does parent-teacher communication matter?
The Education Endowment Foundation's research identifies parental engagement as one of the highest-impact low-cost strategies for improving pupil outcomes. When parents and teachers share accurate information about a child, both parties can respond faster and more accurately to any difficulty that arises.
At secondary school, the parent-teacher relationship changes significantly from primary school. Instead of one class teacher who knows your child well, there are eight or more subject teachers, each seeing your child for a few hours a week. No single teacher has the full picture — and neither do you. Good communication bridges that gap.
When should parents contact a teacher?
Not every concern requires immediate contact — knowing when to reach out and when to wait is itself a skill. Use the following guide:
| Situation | Right response |
|---|---|
| Child reports a problem with a piece of work or a grade | Wait for the teacher's written feedback; if still unclear, email |
| Child is consistently struggling in one subject for more than two weeks | Email the subject teacher to open a conversation |
| Child reports a social or pastoral concern at school | Contact the form tutor or head of year, not the subject teacher |
| Child has a medical appointment affecting a lesson | Email the form tutor or school office; subject teacher does not need to know |
| You have not received a report or expected communication | Email the school office or form tutor |
| You want general reassurance about progress | Wait for the next parents' evening |
| Child has disclosed serious concern about bullying or self-harm | Contact form tutor or head of year the same day |
The default channel for non-urgent contact in secondary schools is email, not phone. Teachers are in lessons for much of the day and cannot take calls; email allows them to respond at a time when they can give a considered answer.
How to write an effective email to a teacher
A well-framed email gets a faster, more useful response. The structure that works best:
- State who you are and which pupil you are contacting about. Teachers have many pupils across multiple year groups; be explicit: "I am writing about my daughter Amara in Year 9, Set 3 for Maths."
- Describe the concern specifically. "Amara has told me she does not understand the algebra unit and is worried about next week's test" is more useful than "I'm not sure Maths is going well."
- Ask a specific question or request a specific action. "Is there anything she should focus her revision on this week?" or "Would it be possible to have a brief call to discuss this?"
- Be concise. A three-paragraph email will be read and responded to; a ten-paragraph one may be deferred until there is more time.
- Use a neutral, collegial tone. You and the teacher are on the same side. Opening with blame or accusation puts the teacher on the defensive and makes a productive conversation harder.
Response times vary — expect one to three working days for a non-urgent email. Some schools use platforms such as Classcharts, Satchel One or Microsoft Teams for communication; check whether your school has a preferred channel.
How to make the most of parents' evenings
Parents' evenings are the structured, timetabled opportunity to speak to every subject teacher in a short appointment (usually five to ten minutes). They are most useful when you come prepared.
Before parents' evening:
- Ask your child what they want you to raise in each subject. Their sense of where things feel hard or interesting is the most relevant starting point.
- Review any recent marked work or reports. Note grades, written comments and targets.
- Write down two or three specific questions per subject rather than relying on memory in a pressured ten-minute slot.
In the appointment:
- Ask the teacher to describe your child's progress in specific terms — not just "doing fine" but "currently working at grade 5, needs to improve analytical writing."
- Ask what your child should prioritise between now and the next assessment.
- Ask whether there is anything you can do at home to support this subject.
After parents' evening:
- Share what you learned with your child — they have a right to know what was said about their progress.
- Follow up by email within a week if any teacher raised a significant concern that needs a longer conversation.
What topics should parents raise — and avoid — with teachers?
Teachers are knowledgeable about curriculum, pedagogy and their observations of your child in the classroom. They are not social workers, counsellors or administrators. Focus conversations on what a teacher can actually address:
Good topics to raise with subject teachers:
- Understanding or knowledge gaps in their subject
- Homework quality and how to improve it
- Exam technique and how to prepare
- Their view of your child's current predicted grade
Better raised with the form tutor or head of year:
- Friendship difficulties or social concerns
- Bullying or any safeguarding concern
- Family circumstances that may affect your child's wellbeing or attendance
- Requests for extra support or SEND assessment
Not a teacher's responsibility to resolve:
- School timetabling decisions
- Which pupil groups your child is placed in (though you can ask why)
- Other pupils' behaviour toward your child (raise with the head of year)
Frequently asked questions
How long should I wait for a response to my email?
Most secondary schools aim to respond to parent emails within two to three working days. If you have not heard within five working days, a gentle follow-up is appropriate. If urgent, call the school office and ask for the message to be passed to the relevant person.
Is it OK to contact a teacher directly, or should I always go through the school office?
In most secondary schools, direct email to teachers is the norm and preferred. Teacher email addresses are published on the school website or in welcome letters. The school office is the right route for administrative queries (absence reporting, trip payments) or if you are unsure who the right teacher is.
Should I copy in multiple people on the same email?
Generally no. Choose the most relevant person (subject teacher for academic concerns; head of year for pastoral concerns) and contact them directly. Copying in multiple staff simultaneously creates confusion about who is responsible for responding and can come across as escalating before the issue has had a chance to be resolved.
What if I feel the teacher is dismissing my concern?
Remain polite but specific: restate the concern and ask explicitly what the school's process is for addressing it. If you still feel unheard after a reasonable exchange, escalate to the head of year or the school's formal concerns procedure. Document each exchange so you have a record if the issue continues.
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