Parents' evening appointments are typically five to ten minutes long — just enough time to learn something genuinely useful about how your child is doing, if you go in with a plan. Teachers see every student in the school; you can help them focus on what matters most for your child in those few minutes together.
Why do parents' evenings matter at secondary school?
Parents' evening is one of the few structured opportunities to hear a teacher's direct assessment of your child's progress — not as a grade on a report, but as a conversation. Research from the EEF on family engagement consistently finds that parental involvement in a young person's education correlates with improved outcomes, particularly at secondary school where the parent-teacher relationship is naturally more distant than at primary.
The appointments are short, which means preparation matters. Parents who arrive with clear questions leave with actionable information. Those who arrive without a plan often receive only a general update — positive if things are going well, alarming if they are not, but rarely specific enough to act on.
How should you prepare before the evening?
Effective preparation takes fifteen minutes and makes the appointments significantly more useful.
Before you go:
- Look at your child's most recent homework and any marked work they have brought home. Note any subjects where marks have been notably lower than others.
- Check whether there are any upcoming coursework deadlines or assessment periods — teachers can advise on preparation.
- Ask your child whether there is anything specific they would like you to raise. A Year 9 student who is struggling in maths but too embarrassed to ask the teacher directly may welcome you asking on their behalf.
- Write down your two or three most important questions for each teacher before you arrive. You will not remember them in the moment.
What questions should you ask each teacher?
The most useful questions move beyond "how is my child doing?" which tends to produce a general response. Specific questions produce specific answers.
| Category | Suggested question |
|---|---|
| Progress | "Is my child working at the level expected for their year group in this subject?" |
| Effort and engagement | "Does my child contribute in lessons and ask questions when they do not understand?" |
| Specific strengths | "What is my child doing particularly well in this subject right now?" |
| Areas to develop | "What one thing, if improved, would make the biggest difference to their progress?" |
| Support at home | "Is there anything specific we can do at home to help with this subject?" |
| Upcoming assessments | "Are there any tests or coursework deadlines coming up that we should be aware of?" |
Aim to leave each appointment knowing: whether your child is on track; what their main area for improvement is; and one concrete action to take at home.
How should you involve your child in parents' evening?
Many secondary schools now invite students to attend parents' evening alongside their parents, and there is good reason for this. When a young person sits alongside you and hears teacher feedback directly, they are more likely to act on it than if they receive it secondhand. It also avoids the situation where your account of what the teacher said differs from what your child heard when you told them later.
If your child comes with you:
- Agree beforehand that you will not argue or express strong emotions about feedback in front of the teacher.
- Let your child answer some of the teacher's direct questions rather than answering for them.
- Debrief together on the way home, focusing on one or two positive things you heard alongside anything that needs to change.
If your child does not come:
- Write brief notes in the appointments — you will not remember every teacher's comments accurately an hour later.
- Share the feedback with your child the same evening, calmly and constructively.
What should you do after the meeting?
Parents' evening is most valuable when the conversations lead to a concrete next step, not when they stay as an update. After the evening:
- Identify the one or two teachers who raised the most significant concerns or opportunities.
- Discuss with your child what they would like to do differently, rather than telling them what they must change.
- If a teacher recommended additional support or practice in a subject, help your child schedule it in the week ahead.
- If you have unresolved concerns after the appointment — particularly if your child seems significantly behind — write a brief email to the teacher or the head of year requesting a follow-up conversation.
What should you do if the appointment time feels too short?
Five-minute slots frequently feel rushed, particularly if you have more than one concern to raise. If you know in advance that you need more than the standard slot:
- Email the relevant teacher before the evening to flag this: "I would like to discuss [topic] in more detail — could we schedule a slightly longer slot or a separate call?"
- Most teachers are willing to arrange a follow-up meeting, phone call, or email exchange after parents' evening if the time was insufficient.
Frequently asked questions
What if a teacher gives only vague positive feedback?
If a teacher says "your child is doing well" without specifics, follow up with: "That is great to hear — can you give me an example of something they did particularly well recently?" and "Is there anything specific they could do to move from where they are now to the next level?" These prompt more useful responses. If you still receive only general comments, it may mean the teacher has limited detailed knowledge of your individual child's work — which is itself useful information.
How should you handle it if a teacher raises serious concerns?
Remain calm in the moment, even if the news is worrying. Ask the teacher: "What support is the school putting in place?" and "What would you recommend we do at home?" Take notes. After the evening, discuss the concern with your child — not in a punitive way, but with curiosity: "The teacher mentioned [X]. Can you help me understand how things have been feeling in that subject?" A student who feels judged at home as well as school is more likely to withdraw than improve.
Should you contact teachers between parents' evenings if you are worried?
Yes — brief, polite email contact with a teacher is perfectly appropriate if you have a genuine concern between formal meetings. Most secondary schools ask that parents contact the form tutor or head of year for pastoral concerns, and the subject teacher directly for academic concerns. Keep the email short and specific. Avoid emailing multiple teachers at once unless the concern spans all subjects.
What if your child refuses to engage with any feedback from parents' evening?
Teenagers sometimes shut down when faced with adult-delivered feedback about school, particularly if they are already feeling anxious or under pressure. If your child refuses to discuss the evening's feedback, do not force it immediately. Give it a day or two, then try again with a low-stakes opener: "I was thinking about what Ms [name] said — what do you think she meant by that?" Often, the information does land; it just needs time and a calm, curious rather than directive approach.
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